Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
