you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
