Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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