i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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