Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
