I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
