did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
