dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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