they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
