there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
bring money and cleavage
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
