I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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