They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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