I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
