Apparently you make a good broom.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
