I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
