worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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