i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
