dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All the doctor said was why
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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