Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
