Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
