TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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