gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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