Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
