I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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