Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
