I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
