wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
