Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
