I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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