hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
