Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
