Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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