i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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