I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
