You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
