i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
