There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
