I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
