It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
