he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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