Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
