I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
