This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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