TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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