It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
