Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
