we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
