i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
