she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
