It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
