just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i barfeds in our rink
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
