His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My penis needs a shock collar
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
